This blog was motivated by a video that I watched on YouTube. It was about a discussion of a black woman who wanted to date white men, but scared that they would not be able to date her because she speaks ‘slang’. They advised her to improve herself in order to date the men that she wanted, essentially a white man. This got me thinking, should this woman change herself to meet white men. For me the whole concept of changing yourself for a man does not sit right. Why should she change herself to meet a man let along a white man. Why shouldn’t a man accept her for who she is and secondly why should she treat white men as a ‘special’ class.
I think this notion that black women should somehow change themselves to appeal to white men comes from this propaganda that we have been witnessing for the last few years. Specifically, ‘black women are the least reached out to on online dating’, ‘black women are ugly’ ‘black women are the least likely to get married’ ect. All this propaganda gives the illusion that black women are somehow inherently defective. They need to change themselves and accept anything they can get. Black women do not stoop this low to meet any man for a matter of fact. I rather be single than lower my standard and self-respect to meet a man. I will be honest right now, yes according to the media we are undesirable, but we need to understand who we are dealing with. Quite frankly, the media is racist, period. We are talking about people that have consistently excluded black women from the public eye; we are talking about people that only present negative images about black women. We live in a white supremacy society hence that is why we have research that reinforces what the media perpetuates. Therefore, when it comes to particular issues like this we need to look at them in a white supremacy context. Things do not just happen in the white supremacy society, every move is calculated. The white supremacy society works to protect its own self-interest. White people have always brutalized and discriminated against black people for their self-gain. Therefore, we need to be realistic; whites will not do anything on their expense. Let’s be honest Black women pose a threat to white women or any other race of women. Black women on their best are the biggest competition, this is the reason we rare see beautiful, confident and intelligent black women in the public eye, yet again this is not by mistake. If we saw these types of women, all races of men would strongly consider black women, no doubt about that. Nevertheless, what we see is negative images of black women in order for other people to form negative images about black women but also for black women to feel bad about themselves.
All that information gives a good analysis of what is currently going on but what we need to focus on is ourselves. This is not the time to feel bad and feel pitiful, but time to get BETTER, because ultimately the most important thing is your happiness. And it starts by not lowering your standard for any man, how can you truly love yourself if you think that you are not good enough for somebody else. We need to go back to really who we are; it is knowing that you deserve anything. We need to understand that this black skin that we have is a blessing, God blessed us with this skin (this was NEVER given to us as a mistake as white people would like us to think). Really get rid of any ‘white supremacy conditioning’, would suggest start by watching ‘hidden colours’, reading Francis Cress Welsing’s work and Dr. Chancellor Williams. Second thing is we need to get in touch with our sexuality and sensuality. PLEASE do not be ashamed by this, this is a natural part of who we are as women. We as black women have a natural sense of femininity and rhythm. Be comfortable with your femininity and our sense of rhythm, this should be reflected in the way we walk (and other elements also), have you seen a black women with this confidence walking down the street, then you know what I mean.
When you show you sensuality and feel comfortable with your sexuality everyone will look, women will give you negative looks, surprisingly enough, even some black women. The negative response comes from the idea that black women should only be mammies and not show their sensuality in public. We need to understand no woman can pull off sexy than a black woman, hence you will get looks. Therefore, certain people in society will feel uncomfortable. Other people’s insecurities shouldn’t be our concern; it is about you feeling comfortable in your skin. The most important thing I need to emphasise is being uncomfortable in your skin and for us as black women it really starts by weeding out all the brainwashing that has happen. We need to become better, being unapologetically comfortable in our beauty.